The phone call

[djr18fan]

The phone rings, in the middle of the night. My father yells what you gonna do with your life.

Sorry, I digress.

2am Monday morning. The phone rings in Perth:

Tim, sleepily, "Hello?
Roland, wired: "Hey Tim, it's Roland"
"Again? What you phoning for this time?"
"Congratulations on your weekend result"
"Huh, Saturday was good, but Sunday not so"
"No, not that. Our test day plan. Worked a treat"
"Ha ha, Yeah. That was genius Roland. We got them to waste their test day and I sent an engineer to put them way off track!"
"Sweet Tim, I've got Scott in there confusing them of course, but we have to keep on top of this as is said before"
"Yeah I agree with you. With the resources Penske has we have to do everything we can to protect our arrangement for as long as we can"
"Reckon. It was looking like DJRTP were getting serious about finding some car speed, even after I made sure they couldn't get sponsorship for a second car. I'd hoped we could keep the test day ruse for later, but I think we have been vindicated"
"Hey, Roland"
"yeah?"
"Can we win a couple more races before you take over and assume your mantle as the team that fought from behind and showed it has the greatest engineering prowess?"
"Sure Tim, It seems the public like having your team as the perennial underdogs and no-one likes us anyway so it works for both of us."
"Roland, what did you do to Volvo?"
"Ha, nothing. But I'm watching them. As long as they only have one driver I think we are safe. And it appears Volvo have the shits now that their driver has been sent home. Sabotaging their engines. Good one!"
"Sweet! But Nissan have resources and are making the right noises?"
"Never fear. The Kelly's are involved there"
"Of course. Self destruction assured!"
"Betty has come good"
"I know. I mean I convince Mercedes to keep out of it, and AMG to muck them about, but still Betty persists. Kinda impressed in a way"
"True, but we can't let that continue"
"I agree Tim. I have something in reserve there though"
"What's that Roland?"
"I'm thinking 3 cars doesn't make much sense. We might be better off if I run 4, like you. Of course I'd need a driver. What do you think? Sonny Bill Williams, or Dollar Bill Will?!!""
"Ha ha ha"
"Ha ha ha ha"

Oh daddy dear you know your still number one, but girls, just wanna have fun.

 

[Poita]

[crackup] Very good.

 

[Gurugirl]

Well done!!!


Can we have his number so we can ring him too

LOL

 

[Nascar12]

Very funny , good effort [bw]

 

[Gerry]

Excellent!

RJ's got some competition now!

 

[djr18fan]

3am Friday morning. Melbourne.

I come home in the morning light, My mother says when you gonna live your life right.
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones, And girls they want to..

Tim, very sleepily, and grumpy: "Lo?"
Roland, same as before: "Afternoon Tim"
"WTF - it's....whatever the time is! Don't you sleep?"
"No Tim, I don't. Too busy making strategy calls"
"Strategy what?"
"Yeah, that's about right!"
"What do you want Roland?"
"I want to know what your deal is with this Ford Dealer Team thing"
"No deal. I don't know anything about it"
"Oh. I presumed you had cooked up this story in the hope that Castrol would be fooled into thinking you will still be around next year, and therefore they should sign up quick."
"No Roland. Not my doing. I assumed you had fabricated the story in the hope of attracting attention to the category so that your REC's might have some value and you could bail out before all hell breaks lose in 2017"
"Nope. But that's quite good thinking Tim. I'm impressed for a change"
"OK, so if it's not you, and it's not me, could it be real?"
"Shit Tim, If you haven't been approached, and it's real, that means it could translate into support for Dick & Rog."
"Crap. They might be able to afford a second car next year. Oh hang on. Forget that. It's probably only enough dollars for a windscreen banner at a non-championship round with no TV coverage."
"True. Ha, just thought, TV viewer numbers are probably the same for a non-televised round as they are for a televised round these days anyway!"
"Good one Roland. Hey you pulled the wool over everyone's eyes with that TV deal. Take the Foxtel money and run eh?!"
"Yeah. Just a shame about the REC value but. Oh well, better let you go Tim. I'm starting on this years Bathurst script now"
"Oh really? Are we going to win again this year?"
"Don't be a stupid boy Tim"
"Sorry Roland"
"Accepted. I'll phone you Sunday afternoon"
"Please don't Roland. That's my nap time"
"What?!"
"Yes I have a nap every Sunday afternoon - without fail"
"Tim. Sunday afternoons are quite a good time for you to work on you strat... Ah forget it. Good afternoon"

 

[Racin Jason]

Absolutely Love it![bw]

 

[djr18fan]

Sunday, 1.50pm

Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun, Oh girls they want to have fun, Oh girls just want to have
That's all they really want, Some fun,
When the working day is done - Girls - they want to have fun, Oh girls just want to have fun,
They want to have fun, they want to have fun

Tim, breathing hard: "Hello?"
Roland, excitedly: "Wake up Tim"
"I'm not asleep Roland"
"Oh, how come?"
"I haven't been able to sleep properly since I got this phone"
"Why's that?"
"Friggin annoying ring tone sticks in my brain. Can't get the tune out of my head and I lie in bed awake thinking up dumb stuff"
"I see. It took you a long time to answer my call. You know my time is precious"
"Sorry Roland. I had to run the length of the house to get it. The thing is so annoying I put it right at the back of the garage and am thinking of getting a new one"
"Tim, why don't you just change the ring tone?"
"That's the weird thing Roland. Adam brought the phone back with him from the DJRTP test day"
"Yes"
"He didn't like it so gave it to me"
"Right"
"Absolutely every setting and some of the parts have been changed, but it makes no difference. It's just as useless as it was it the start of the year"
"I see"
"The DJRTP guys have three of them and they are all the same. It doesn't seem to matter who is using them either"
"Hmmm, I reckon I could fix this device Tim. I know a thing or two about them. I'll get back to you later"
Click
"Roland? Roland! Damn, wonder why he phoned."

 

[Bigcol]

absolutely sensational

 

[djr18fan]

4.30pm, Wednesday

I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick.
I kissed a girl just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don't mind it.
It felt so wrong...

"Rick??"
"No Tim, It's Roland"
"Weird. My phone display said Rick was calling"
"Yeah, I cloned Rick's phone the other weekend. It's a trick I picked up from watching Person of Interest"
"Oh. But I don't get why my phone had a different ring tone and knew it was Rick calling. Or not Rick calling"
"Tim, that's because I hacked into your DJRTP phone using tips I got from my favourite programme: Revenge. There's a quite good looking but slightly efeminate character on their who is a tech geek"
"You like these American drama's then Roland?
"Yes I do. helps me keep sharp. What TV series do you like watching?"
"I like gritty documentaries. Currently watching Shameless, Vikings and Blue Mountain State."
"Hmmm, don't know them. Do they make you think?"
"Not really, they entertain in other ways"
"Righto. Well I'm phoning to advise you of your teams role at Bathurst this year"
"I've been wondering about that Roland. You have a hell of a hard job topping last years effort. Organising a track break up and red flag stoppage; The winner coming from the back row; having the slowest driver in the field; being a lap down at one point and only taking the lead on the last lap! That's a hard act to follow!"
"True, but I reckon I've done it"
"What. A wildcard entry with rookie drivers to win? Or an LDM car? Snow?
"Hang on Tim, God is phoning on the other line"
"Huh?"
Everyone's a winner, baby, that's the truth (yes, the truth), Making love to you is such a thrill.
Everyone's a winner, baby, that's no lie (yes, no lie), You never fail to satisfy (satisfy)

"I'm on hold!"
"Tim, I'm back. I've gotta go. Speaking to Rupert. I'll get back to you later"
Click.
​

 

[Racin Jason]

PMSL!

I just saw an interview by Crompton with Tim and Roland and either these phone calls are close to the mark or they are reading DJRCLUB17!!!! Tim and Roland were looking at each others phones and Roland made a wisecrack about how they were deciding who was going to get pole.[crackup]

 

[akka]

i saw the same and had a laugh

 

[djr18fan]

I hope they saw my tipping comp picks and are planning accordingly!

 

[djr18fan]

Tuesday 8.28pm (yes, I see into the future!)

I've paid my dues, time after time. I've done my sentence, but committed no crime.
And bad mistakes ‒ I've made a few. I've had my share of sand kicked in my face but I've come through.
(And I need just go on and on, and on, and on)
We are the champions, my friends. And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end.
We are the champions. We are the champions. No time for losers 'cause we are the champions of the world...

"Hey, Hic, Roland my man!"
"Tim. You OK?"
"Still celrabating; celberrating; on the piss from the weekend!"
"That's nice Tim. Listen up 'cause I have your Bathurst instructions for you"
"Ooh, yes shir. What do we have to do?"
"Nothing"
"Exshellent. Should be able to cope with that. Who's going to win this year?"
"Well Tim, you have probably guessed as there is only one outcome that would be more outrageous than last year"
"So car 17 then?"
"Yep"
"How will you shell that?"
"Well this year, due to the staggering popularity of the 20 lap super sprint Saturday races, Bathurst will be split up into 8 x 20 lap races, with a 1 lap dash at the end to decide the 'Bathurst trophy winner'. There will be a standing start for the first race. At the end of each 20 laps, points will be awarded and cars will return to the pits for tyres, fuel and optional driver changes. Subsequent 20 lap races will start 15 minutes after the lead car crossed the line in the previous race and will be a rolling start with the grid determined by the finishing order of the previous 20 lapper"
"Burp"
"As well as allowing more time for adverts, this race structure will keep fans riveted throughout the day, reduce the likelihood of luck being a factor in the outcome, eliminate the mentality of 'buying a ticket to the last segment', and enable us to simultaneously screen a new reality program"
"Whaa?"
"I will have a wild card entry, driven by Kim Kardashian & Bruce Jenner"
"Oh, an all female team. I've sheen that shomewhere else reshently"
"Yes Tim, I predict it will be a massive ratings hit. Bigger than the Bathurst race itself. Of course it will only screen on Foxtel"
"Name?"
"Keeping up with the Kardashians. It will focus on the race for 2nd to last position between Kim, Bruce, Scott & Marcos"
"Outshtanding!"
"Anyway, to the race finish. For the last single lap dash, car 17 will be lap down, as will my wild car entry"
"Mmmm"
"We will have 'overlooked' the fact that the 15 minute stoppages every 20 laps will result in it being dark when the last lap is run. Therefore, the last and most important lap will be run totally under a safety car. And because we will introduce the Nascar style lucky-dog rule just before the race to ensure as many cars as possible have a chance of winning (that's what we will tell the fans but you & I know passing on the track is impossible), the race will actually be won by the first car one lap down."
"Shtunning"
"Marcos will be in car 17 because he will need to do the lap to fill his quota as co-driver. And he will be the lead driver one lap down because that's what he learned from the last 9 years.
"Roland, aren't results based on the previous lap?"
"Only for a red flag Tim. And anyway, there was no previous lap. I will protest of course, but will lose the protest as 'rules are rules'"
"Sho the lucky dog rule will be hashtily introdushed and poorly worded?"
"Yep. That's the plan"
"Roland"
"Yes Tim"
"Do you have a contigency, cotingcy, back-up plan?"
"Of course Tim. Perhaps I'll phone you back with that"
"Night night Rolly"
click

 

[Poita]

Best one yet. [bw]

 

[Nascar12]

Wow, that is bloody brilliant ! Almost scheems plaushable, plauzible, err plausible too. (hic!)
Fantastic djr18fan [crackup]

 

[Gerry]

Just looooove these phone calls!

 

[Car61]

Ring Tone...

The Next Ring Tone should be: 'Ground Control to Major [strike]Tom[/strike] Tim' [B)]

 

[djr18fan]

Saturday, 7.55pm

When you're smilin', when you're smilin'; the whole world smiles with you.
When you're laughin', when you're laughin'; the sun comes shinin' through.

"Craig?"
"Evening Tim"
"God you Triple 8 people are all the same! It's midday Craig"
"No. It's 7.55 pm"
".........................................Oh that's right, I'm in India"
"You taking a holiday due to this stupid 5 week break Tim?"
"No. I'm visiting Tata........ Shit! Can you forget I said that please?"
"Okaaay"
"Anyway Craig, I'm pretty busy, what can I do for you?"
"Roland is handing some duties over to me and asked me to call you as it's looking like the primary Bathurst plan might not work after all.
"Ah, splitting the race into 20 lap sprints not likely to be well received?"
"No, not that silly. We can't afford Bruce & Kim's appearance fees so the reality program is looking shaky"
"Wow, that is serious. What's the alternative?"
"Actually making the race interesting and including the free-loading viewers watching via dodgy internet streams into the ratings numbers in the hope we can show that viewer numbers are not dropping"
"Hell, that will be tough"
"Yeah. I don't know how they can measure the number of people watching through a Columbia registered domain"
"Huh? No, I meant it will be tough to make the race interesting"
"Surprisingly not. We have talked to a psychic and come up with something that could be more outrageous than last year"
"Surely not. You better fill me in then"
"Okaaay"
"................................... Craig?
"Yes?"
"You are going to tell me about the Bathurst back-up plan?""
"Oh, sorry, I'm driving and wasn't paying attention to what you were saying. My phone has an auto-response recording it uses when I don't speak"
"Interesting. So is the back-up much different to the primary plan?"
"No, it's got a lot of similarities if you listen carefully"
"What do we have to do?"
"Just have all four of your cars crash into ours on lap 145"
Excellent. Should be able to cope with that. Who's going to win this year?"
"Well Tim, you have probably guessed as there is only one outcome that would be more outrageous than last year"
"So car 17 then?"
"Yep"
"How will you sell that?"
"Well this year, due to the staggering unpopularity of all the races, Bathurst will be all about controversy and a surprise winner"
"Obviously"
"The first 144 laps will be irrelevant, so we will increase the number of adverts. As the ads will be more interesting than the racing this will keep fans riveted throughout the day. The lap 145 crash will reduce the likelihood of luck being a factor in the outcome, eliminate the mentality of 'buying a ticket to the last segment', and enable us to simultaneously screen a new reality program"
"Whaa?"
"We will have a wild card entry, driven by Amber Brkich and Elizabeth Hasselbeck"
"Oh, an all female team. I've seen that somewhere else recently"
"Yes Tim, I predict it will be a massive ratings hit. Bigger than the Bathurst race itself. Of course it will only screen on Foxtel"
"Name?"
"Survivor. It will focus on the race to last position between Amber, Elizabeth, Scott & Marcos"
"Outstanding!"
"Anyway, to the race finish. On lap 143, car 17 will be lap down, as will my wild car entry"
"Mmmm"
"On lap 144, your four cars plus our three will be battling for the lead and will have a spectacular crash that will almost entirely block the track. The yellows will come on and the safety car will be deployed"
"But Craig, you tried that at Barbagello, having Pye take out Heimgartner with a few laps remaining, and race control didn't throw the yellows"
"That won't happen again. I can't believe they couldn't see that accident was no accident. And that the safety car would have resulted in Will, myself and Jamie (a lap down) running one behind the other at the subsequent restart."
"Even I could see that Craig. I presume the plan was for Jamie to dive-bomb you and 'accidentally' take out Will, handing you the race win?"
"Exactly. So we have spoken to the authorities to make sure that doesn't happen again. So when we crash at Bathurst, there will be no hesitation in calling a full course yellow"
"So where on the track will we crash?"
"The run up to the cutting seems appropriate"
"It does, doesn't it!"
"Now car 17, despite being a lap down, will be the next car on track behind our seven, and will sneak through a gap in the wreckage under yellow. Then Murph, who will be comentating from trackside right at that point, will push Heimgartners car back a couple of metres which will totally block the track and result in major confusion"
"Why the hell would he do that?"
"He owes Marcos a favour"
"Craig, there seem to be a lot of Kiwi's involved in this plan"
"That's because they are hard working, reliable, all round good guys Tim"
"I can't argue with that"
"Now, because we will introduce the Nascar style lucky-dog rule just before the race to ensure as many cars as possible have a chance of winning (that's what we will tell the fans but you & I know it will make no difference), car 17 will automatically move to the lead lap when the race goes yellow. But wait, there's more. Due to confusion, the race won't go red until after car 17 crosses the start finish line, effectively making it the race leader"
"Stunning"
"Marcos will be in car 17 because at their pit stop prior to the crash, Pye will feel light headed and will bizzarely step out of the car instead of doing the planned double stint to the end of the race"
"Aaah. Balaclava issues"
"There will be no proof Tim, because Pye will keep his helmet on and walk through the DJRTP pit to their transporter. Anyway Marcos will be forced to jump in the car. He will be the lead driver one lap down because that's what Marcos has learned from the last 9 years.
"Roland, aren't results based on the previous completed lap?"
"Yes for a red flag Tim they are. But Marcos has completed another lap. And even of you went back one lap, Marcos was one lap down but then gains one lap under the yellow, then another for the red flag. Either way we have it covered. Roland will protest of course, but will lose the protest as 'rules are rules'"
"So the lucky dog rule will be hastily introduced and poorly worded?"
"Yep. That's the plan"
"Craig"
"Yes Tim"
"The planets are aligning aren't they?"
"Good Psychic eh?"
"Have a good afternoon Craig"
"Okaaay"

 

[Racin Jason]

Don't tell me Timmy has forgotten to pay the phone bill? Looks like the phone has been disconnected!